Monday, June 25, 2012

Story Cardio_002, Portlynn Tagavi (Gave it another go)

Hey Dave!!! I did the assignment again, this time a stayed within the time limits and i stuck to the guidelines. Last time i forgot about the character wanting something from the other, but not this time!!! i made sure.

So here it is. I choose Dracula and Dog at the Park. The Dog wants Dracula's Blood Sausage. I did it in 3 hours and i tried to make it clearer than the last one. I hope it succeeded!!!

Thanks for looking!!!











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2 comments:

  1. David PimentelJune 25, 2012 at 5:59 PM

    Cute but TOO EASY!

    TOO EASY!!!!!!!

    ok sorry i had to use all caps. so you know about medium shots being overused and it happens again in this one too.

    Thank you for doing another one though, I like that you're pushing yourself.

    So with all stories we need "Conflict and tension" to help us push through the storytelling.

    I like the conflict with the dog wanting the sausage but then what? There was no tension with it after we know that. Conflict is the problem right? the dog wants his food. the tension is Dracula then has to fight the dog? or has to bite the dog? or the dog bites him? we need to make it hard for the characters to get what they want. if it's too easy the story has no punch.

    as I said with Louise you all really need to dig in with what kind of storytelling you're trying to tell.

    you could've given this a dark tone or made it a scary kind of thing. What is it about? I understand that the dog wanted the sausage and Dracula didn't want to give in, so that's where we need to amp it up.

    so if you wanted to go with dracula feeling kinda guilty than we needed to really tell that story. maybe we could've gone into his memories of being a kid and having a dog or something to tell us why he looked at the stick and had a change of heart?

    Keep working hard. this is good for you.
    I like your first story cardio better though.

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  2. Portlynn TagaviJune 26, 2012 at 5:29 PM

    Thanks Dave I really agree with all that you said. I was worried about the amount of medium shots and i felt that the story felt really safe, so I completely understand.

    I was thinking of redoing the story, maybe doing another pass on it. not as a story cardio thing but as a practice for taking a critique and using it to do a better board pass.

    I like the idea of Dracula remembering his childhood dog!

    I'll try to work in some more interesting shots along with some tension. :-)

    Thanks Dave!

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